The Rough Report

Welcome back to the first Thursday edition of The Gridiron Gambler. Each week, I lock in my Thursday Night NFL Play of the Night and give an early look at my college football slate as lines start to take shape midweek.

Thursday Night NFL Play of the Night

Game: Los Angeles Rams vs San Francisco 49ers
Play: Rams -2 (Teased) / Saints +5.5

• Rams -2 (Teaser Leg): This line has shot up throughout the week, but I still believe there’s value in getting the Rams at -2 in a teaser spot. San Francisco is banged up, and the Rams offense has been clicking. At this number, the Rams just need to take care of business at home.
• Saints +5.5 (Teaser Leg): Pairing the Rams with New Orleans on Sunday. This is a buy-low spot for the Saints, who are still hunting for their first win. They face a Giants team led by Dart in his first road start, and they’ll be without Malik Nabers for the rest of the season. I see this as a game the Saints can win outright, and at +5.5, we have protection if it stays close.

Early NCAA Football Slate

Most of my CFB picks start shaping up Wednesday–Thursday, and I’ve got a few early positions this week.

High-Risk, High-Reward Teaser (+350)

7-Point Teaser:

• Mississippi State +21
• Miami +2.5
• BYU -12.5
• James Madison -13
• Texas +0.5

This one is not for the faint of heart—it’s a “too many legs” teaser with +350 odds. Mississippi State and BYU feel solid in these spots, while Texas and Miami are the question marks. Still, the value is worth the risk.

Other NCAA Plays

• Louisville -7 vs Virginia
  Pure letdown spot for Virginia after their huge upset last week. Louisville remains undefeated and pushing for Top 25 consideration. Safer play might be the ML, but I’ll take them to cover here.
• App State -1 vs Oregon State
  They burned me last week, but I’m back on them in a buy-low spot. Only a 0.5-unit play—confidence is lower—but Oregon State has been dreadful.
• Western Michigan -13.5
  Strong spot for WMU against an overmatched opponent.
• Western Kentucky/Delaware Over 61.5
  Expecting offensive fireworks here. Both sides can score, and pace should push this over.
• Purdue +10 vs Illinois
  Classic lookahead spot. Illinois has Ohio State next week and could overlook Purdue. The Boilermakers are coming off a bye, and I see them live to win outright as my upset of the week.
• UNLV/Wyoming Under 50.5
  Two teams who want to run and slow the game down. I’ll take the under.
• Alabama -10 vs Vanderbilt
  Alabama looked like vintage Nick Saban last week vs Georgia. Now they return home to Bryant-Denny with revenge on their mind. Diego Pavia is getting too much respect here—I expect Bama to dominate.
• North Carolina +14 vs Clemson
  UNC is inconsistent, but 14 is too many points. Clemson could pull away, but I see the Heels keeping this competitive.
• Charlotte +27 vs USF
  A numbers play. Charlotte’s offense has enough fight to sneak inside the big number.
• Mississippi State +14 vs Texas A&M
  Bulldogs are undervalued. Getting two full touchdowns in this matchup is worth a play.

Final Thoughts

• Best Bet (NFL): Rams -2 / Saints +5.5 (Teaser)
• Upset Alert (NCAA): Purdue +10 (with ML sprinkle)
• High-Risk, High-Reward: 5-leg teaser at +350

The board this week sets up with several spots where teams are being overlooked or undervalued. As always, bankroll management is key—scale your units accordingly.

Stay sharp, and let’s cash some tickets.

– The Gridiron Gambler

The bracket is live. The stakes are high. And the chirping has already begun.

The Degenerates Open, our annual single-elimination throwdown of questionable golf talent and unquestionable ego, tees off Friday, July 25, 2025, with two marquee matchups that promise fireworks, flops, and maybe even a few club tosses.

Match #1: Chase Watson vs. Justin Harness

Vegas Line: EVEN (-110 / -110)

In a matchup that oddsmakers couldn’t pick a favorite for, Chase Watson and Justin Harness are set to square off in what’s already being dubbed “The Battle of the Mid-Handicaps.”

Watson, known for his unshakable confidence and occasional shanks, fired early on social media:

“Harness better bring more than that punch-cut 5-iron and his weak mental game.”

Harness, never one to shy from a duel, clapped back:

“Watson plays golf like he’s still trying to find his swing in a cereal box. He better pray for rain.”

Expect a tight match that may come down to who misses the least 3-footers.

Match #2: Cody North vs. Wiggy Wigginton

Vegas Line: North Favored -160 | Wiggy +130

This one has the feel of a potential bracket buster.

Cody North, the pre-tourney favorite in several group chats, has been playing lights-out lately. Solid off the tee and dangerous with a wedge, North is entering with full confidence:

“Wiggy’s gonna need more than a lucky bounce and three breakfast balls to survive me.”

But Wiggy has been here before. The seasoned grinder has a knack for ugly golf—and winning anyway. When asked about the line:

“Let ’em doubt me. Vegas doesn’t factor in heart, beer swing, or the chaos factor. North’s going down.”

If Wiggy catches fire early, we could be looking at the first Cinderella run of the 2025 bracket.

Want In On the Action?

Feeling lucky? Have a gut feeling on an upset? Or just want to ride the chaos train for a few bucks?

Submit your bets directly to the Book Master himself — Willy.
DM him, Venmo him, or just yell “LOCK IT IN” across the clubhouse parking lot. Odds are subject to swing faster than your buddy’s double bogey meltdown.

In what can only be described as the most delusional move since someone tried to teach Charles Barkley a proper swing, Roger “Slice” Morrow has officially challenged Braxton “Fairway” West to a head-to-head golf match.

Presented by: Delusion. Sponsored by Hope. Broadcast in 240p for Roger’s dignity.

Roger. Challenged. Braxton.

This is the golf equivalent of bringing a pool noodle to a sword fight. It’s unclear what possessed Roger—too much sun? A recent blackjack Table? A Luke warm Busch Light? Regardless, he made the grave mistake of stepping into something he had no business being part of. He opened his mouth, and now he’s teeing off into a world of pain.

Braxton, a man so dominant on the course that Pro V1s beg not to be hit by him, took this as what he assumed was a charity event. “I forgot I signed up for the Make-A-Wish Foundation,” Braxton said after seeing Roger’s name on the match card. “I just didn’t realize I was the wish.”

For fairness, there’s been talk that Braxton might only bring three clubs and wear a blindfold, just to give Roger a sliver of hope. Even then, Vegas odds still have Braxton at -10000.

Meanwhile, Roger has been seen practicing from the forward tees, or as Braxton calls them: the “Junior Varsity Ladies’ Launchpads.” It’s the only way this match remains remotely competitive without invoking mercy rules or CPR training for bystanders witnessing the carnage.

Let’s be honest. Roger is a decent guy. He means well. But so do labradoodles—and you don’t see them stepping up to challenge Tiger Woods. Watching him take on Braxton is like watching a toddler try to drive a Ferrari: it’s cute, but someone’s going to get hurt (emotionally, mostly Roger).

Live Vegas Odds:

• Braxton wins by 10+ strokes: -2500
• Roger finds the fairway off the tee: +850
• Roger finishes all 18 without a meltdown: +1500
• Roger fakes an injury on hole 12: -110

If you’re planning on betting the over on Roger’s lost balls — the current line is set at 7.5 — experts say, “hammer it.”

The Fulton Country Club board reportedly tried to cancel the match after reviewing Roger’s last GHIN update, which simply said: “Yikes.”

As of press time, a local youth program has offered to provide Roger a free swing evaluation after Saturday’s round. “It’s about growth and learning,” said Coach Willy. “We teach kids how to grip the club, aim at the fairway, and most importantly, recognize when a matchup is a terrible idea.”

“The Mismatch at Magnolia: Braxton West vs. Roger Morrow”

Live Coverage Begins Saturday at 10:00am CST | Streaming on ESPN+: Embarrassment Edition

Fulton Country Club – Fulton, Mississippi
Par 35 | 9 Holes | 1 Reckless Ego | 1 Certified Problem

Player Profiles:

Braxton “Fairway” West

• Handicap: +1
• Strengths: Precision, distance, charisma, electric
• Weaknesses: Occasionally forgets he’s playing a mortal / Too Many Beers
• Notable Quote: “I thought this was a charity outing. I didn’t realize I was the charity.”

Roger “Slice” Morrow

• Notable Quote: “I beat Braxton… in a dream once. Then I woke up with a pulled hammy.”

• Handicap: 21 (on a simulator… indoors… with mulligans)

• Strengths: Optimism, Beer Cooler Preparation, teeing it up again after a triple

• Weaknesses: Driving, iron play, putting, scoring, accuracy, confidence, decision-making

Head-to-Head Comparison:

Category	Braxton West	Roger Morrow
Driving Accuracy	87%	12% (with a tailwind)
Greens in Regulation	78%	“What’s a green?”
Trash Talk Rating	8.9/10	Crying by Hole 6
Average Score	73	102 (conservatively)
Mental Fortitude	Tiger-esque	Mentally in 4-putt recovery
Putter Used	Scotty Cameron	Something from a mini golf course

The Fall of Uncle Roger’s Casino: A 2-Week Dynasty Crumbles

In a turn of events so tragic Shakespeare himself would’ve wept, Roger “Slice” Morrow has officially lost the naming rights and emotional custody of Uncle Roger’s Casino… after a historic 14-day run as the proud (and delusional) owner.

Sources say the rights were wagered in a gentleman’s agreement before Saturday’s match — a bold move from a man whose golf swing looks like a fishing rod caught in a ceiling fan.

“I just wanted to believe,” Roger said post-round, still in his cart, engine running, eyes glazed with regret and electrolytes. “I thought this was my moment. My empire. My legacy. My casino…”

Instead, he now has to drive home and explain to his wife and children that their dreams of a family-run fake casino empire have vanished — all because Dad couldn’t make a 4-foot putt without yipping like a chihuahua in a thunderstorm.

Witnesses say Roger muttered “It’s just a name” over and over as he packed his clubs in silence… and accidentally loaded them into Braxton’s trunk.

“I’m not mad,” his wife reportedly said. “I’m just embarrassed to be married to someone who triples the opening hole and still trash-talks.”

His 8-year-old son, who had drawn up blackjack table sketches for the garage, simply whispered, “We trusted you,” before turning away.

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R.I.P. Uncle Roger’s Casino (July 2 – July 16, 2025)
You were gone too soon. And also, you never really existed.

How one man’s quest to beat Kyle Taylor ended with him grounded, embarrassed, and possibly potty-trained by his wife

In the wild world of local golf legends, few names inspire laughter (and mild panic) quite like Johnny Davis.

Johnny’s the guy at your country club who talks about “going low” but is more likely to go OB. Yet somehow, in a blaze of false confidence and cheap beer, he once made the boldest bet of his life:

He challenged Kyle Taylor to play him straight up.

Now, let’s be honest: Kyle Taylor ain’t exactly lighting up the leaderboard. The man’s swing has more moving parts than a Swiss watch, and his putting stroke looks like he’s trying to catch invisible butterflies. But next to Johnny? Kyle might as well be Rory freakin’ McIlroy.

So when Johnny puffed out his chest and announced, “I’m takin’ Kyle DOWN!” the rest of us collectively knew what was about to happen.

Unfortunately—or conveniently—Johnny’s big match never happened.

Why? Because Johnny decided, at precisely 2:00 a.m., that it was a great idea to drive to Tunica for a little “light gambling.” Next thing you know, his wife laid down the law and put Johnny in Time Out. Like, actual grown-man grounded. No golf, no gambling, no nothing.

The Pee Problem

But that’s not Johnny’s only problem. Oh no.

See, Johnny has… a little quirk.

When he drinks too much (and let’s be honest, that’s often), Johnny turns into a territorial golden retriever. He starts peeing on everything. And I do mean everything.

Bushes. Lawn furniture. Fence posts. His wife’s laundry hamper. His own golf bag. One time, rumor has it, he tried to “mark” the 9th hole flagstick during a scramble.

And who’s left cleaning up this aquatic disaster? Johnny’s poor wife, who’s basically turned into a one-woman Hazmat crew. She’s following him around the yard with paper towels and disinfectant spray like she’s house-training a Labrador puppy. She’s probably one accident away from buying him doggy diapers on Amazon Prime.

His four-man scramble team is dropping faster than flies at a Raid convention. One guy said:

“Look, I love Johnny, but I’m not risking my driver smelling like a back-alley urinal cake.”

Another simply refuses to ride in a cart with him ever again, declaring:

“I’m not putting down a towel on the seat like I’m Ubering a toddler.”

Uncle Trevor is Tired

Johnny keeps claiming he’s “just a guy trying to win on the golf course,” but it’s looking bleak. Even Uncle Trevor—who’s been carrying Johnny both literally and figuratively for years—is ready to hang up his caddie bib. Word on the street is Uncle Trevor is considering faking a torn rotator cuff just so he won’t have to hoist Johnny’s clubs—or mop up any “incidents”—this season.

So there Johnny sits, stuck inside, grounded like a teenager, his clubs gathering dust, and his hopes of beating Kyle Taylor swirling the drain like… well… everything else he’s been spraying all over his backyard.

Was it all an elaborate scheme to avoid Kyle’s inevitable victory? Or is Johnny simply the tragic hero of his own pee-soaked Shakespearean comedy?

One thing’s for sure: until Johnny figures out how to keep both his drives and his bladder under control, his golf dreams—and his friendships—might be permanently stuck in Time Out.

BOONEVILLE, MS — Local golfer and self-proclaimed “Wedge Assassin,” Dylan Harling, claims he recently embarked on what he calls a “business trip” — a three-man scramble at Booneville Country Club that allegedly ended in triumph…and a suspiciously huge payout.

According to Harling, he’s “a stick” whose wedge game single-handedly carried his team to victory. Eyewitnesses, however, report a slightly different scene. Sources say Harling recruited two of the best sticks he could find, filled their water bottles, and proceeded to get backpacked around the course all day.

“I’m the wedge assassin,” Harling declared confidently. “I was just throwing darts all day. The boys couldn’t have done it without me.”

Despite his claims, several locals who played in the scramble remember Harling mostly riding in the cart, occasionally looking for his golf ball, and praising his partners’ birdie putts from a safe distance.

Still, Harling has not let facts get in the way of a good story. Every day at 4 p.m., he can be found at the local watering hole, Loco Taco, reliving his Booneville CC “business trip” and recounting wedge heroics that grow more dramatic with each retelling.

Though he’s still reportedly searching for his own golf game, Harling has developed a different talent: convincing genuinely good golfers to join his scramble teams.

Locals say it’s all in good fun — but if you find yourself paired with the Wedge Assassin, be prepared to carry more than your own clubs.

• And in even bigger news, friends and locals want to congratulate Dylan for finally proposing — proving that miracles happen both on and off the golf course. Here’s hoping his wedge game shows up for the wedding day photos.

Once a Regular, Now a Rarity

It wasn’t long ago that Blake Wigginton was a staple of the weekend golf crew. Rain or shine, hungover or hyped—Blake was there. Now? He shows up about once every three months, usually unannounced, wearing a dust-covered shirt and claiming he’s “just stopping by before running tile.”

“He was reliable once,” said longtime friend Will Faulkner. “Now I see Bigfoot more often than Blake.”

The House That May Not Exist

For the past three years, Blake has blamed his absence on “building a house.” There’s just one problem—no one’s ever seen it. No address. Just pictures. Just vague talk about custom cabinets.

Local rumor has it the house is either:

• A Sims build he abandoned in 2022
• A single slab of concrete in rural Mississippi
• Or located in the back of the Memphis Zoo, near the gorilla exhibits.

Monkey Exhibit Enthusiast

Sources confirm Blake spends an alarming amount of free time near the monkey exhibits. Not just a visit—annual pass holder, known by name. Staff at the zoo have described him as “gentle, observant, and occasionally confused for a volunteer.”

“He connects with them,” said one zookeeper. “Especially the one that throws bananas instead of eating them. That’s Blake energy.”

Former Golfer, Current Struggler

At his peak, Blake was a 7 handicap. Now? He’s a walking triple bogey, averaging 4 lost balls per 9 and struggling to break 100 on courses with no water and no sand.

Recent stats:

• Drives: 237 yards right into the woods
• Putter: Hot and cold, mostly cold
• Emotional support: Needs it on every hole
• Handicap: “Yes.”

“I didn’t know it was possible to top three consecutive tee shots until I saw Blake last month in our two man golf tournament,” said Will Faulkner playing partner. “It was inspiring… in a warning kind of way.”

“It was like his clubs forgot how to be golf equipment,”

“I played solo on Sunday,” Faulkner said. “Blake was technically there, but spiritually? His game stayed home to grout the shower.”

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Possibly Missing

Despite rumors of an 84 he “almost shot at TCC,” Blake is now considered semi-missing.

Authorities last spotted him:

• At Lowe’s lumber section talking to himself
• Putting on a green at the zoo’s mini golf fundraiser
• Telling monkeys they “wouldn’t understand the stress of foundation permits.”